13. TOO MANY DUCKY’S

By J.J. Colagrande

In the overflow Day Parking area, also the Artist Campgrounds, a few dudes were unloading equipment from a couple of running buses. No one was behind the wheel of one, so I hopped in and borrowed the ride. Driving away, I heard the band members yelling at me–and I responded–I’ll be right back, hee-hee. So I borrowed, not stole, but borrowed Papadosio’s bus to chase Sugar Bear. Then I jetted out of the festival up Huggins Drive and down Sunny Hill Road. I caught up to Sugar Bear in a little while, ramming into his back bumper. I could see his beady little eyes notice me in the rear-view mirror. He sped up, making his way towards Route 7 and I followed in full pursuit, through Masontown and all the little nooks and country crannies. He couldn’t shake me. Hee-hee. I stayed on him like glue as he headed East on Interstate 68, getting off by Cheat Lake. He even snuck ahead by blowing a red light but I followed him down to the lake, getting to the Marina just in time to see Sugar Bear ride off into Cheat Lake on a wave-runner. What a motherfucker!! I rented a wave-runner and chased after him. Passing a fleet of pontoon boats, I followed. At one point I pulled right up next to the Wook and jumped off my wave-runner, tackling him off of his. Both wave-runners came to a halt. In the water we punched and scrapped and pulled at each other bloop glurpp ooooff slosh Give me that powder, Sugar Bear!! And then the fucker got a lucky punch to my temple klunk leaving me discombobulated for a minute. Back on the wave-runner he peeled off, spraying me in a mist of lake!! I made my way back aboard and chased him. By the time I caught him the river had become unmanageable for wave-runners. He had commandeered a Ducky one-man kayak from a group of white-water rafters, so I did the same. As the white-water picked up its speed, we maneuvered our way through the narrow channels, dodging rocks, splashing, twisting and turning. The river was high and the pace quickened. Give me that powder, Sugar Bear. Never!! I had enough. I steered the ducky on a crash course with Sugar Bear and we collided. Right before impact I swung the oar right into his face thwack knocking him back. In addition to the collision, we both wound up in the water, getting tossed about. He was knocked out but I had him in my hands. Soon the river slowed down and opened back up so I swam to a clearing, eventually depositing Sugar Bear along a rocky bank. He was knocked out cold, half-dead. But I reached in his inner shirt pocket and retrieved the multi-colored powdered bear, still dry, wrapped in a plastic baggie.

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