THELONIOUS REVEALS THE SECRET OF CURTIS

By J.J. Colagrande

01_thelonious-horowitzLet me tell you about Curt. Would it be surprising to find out that Curtis ain’t his real name? Guess what? His name ain’t Curtis or K-hole or Keiser Sosa or Shamus Heaney. Not his real name. No one knows his real name, including me. Well, maybe I know, but I ain’t tellin nothin cause Curtis is Slick Rick. Curtis is Dr. Pepper. There’s a secret society of Curtis. Curtis who can get anything you want. Curtis who speaks in words only another Curtis can understand. Colorful words meaning what exactly . . . orange sunshines . . . white peace-signs . . . blue unicorns . . . silver haze. Words with religious connotations suddenly floating through The Lot air . . . Jesus Christ’s . . . white doves . . . wafers. Delectable words eating at ears . . . blueberries . . . chocolate chips . . . graham crackers. Words like palabras word up. What of these names constantly repeated on Shakedown? Think these niggas exist? Where’s Molly? Seen Dimitri? Or Danny K? How about Dean, nigga? Curtis is the ghost of Dean Moriarty spittin random letters. We got L . . . Who need’s an O . . . How bout some G . . . OC’s? Gettin down wit nouns . . . bars . . . footballs . . . roofs . . . record albums . . . Mitsubishi’s . . . Beavis & Butthead’s . . . windowpanes. What’s it all about? Ask Curtis if you want to know. He knows—but I doubt he’s telling. See there’s a secret society of Curtis kind-a like the Free Masons but, nah. It’s a secret. Tell ya what—free Perry Mason and let him solve the case of Curtis. Nah, I got it, tell Anthony Mason to shave Curtis into the side of his head. Curtis ain’t revealing a ting…shhh…it…be a secret. Ya see—Curtis is untouchable—he’s a ghost—forever on some now-you-see-me now-you-don’t Shiite. He’s Casper—your friendly neighborhood ghost—your name can be Peter Venkman, Ray Stantz, or Egon Stengler, you’re still not busting my nigga k to the Casper.

 

If you enjoyed this, check out a song Thelonious wrote about Curtis or go back to the festival.