By J.J. Colagrande

05_kurtis4Thelonious stayed with us during a Hurricane. We had a lil jam . . . hee, hee. Coupla bottles, some dank buds. There’s nothing else to do when there’s a Hurricane. It’s all Chicken Little sensationalism. The sky is falling. The sky is falling . . . hee, hee. Television On . . . we’re live in Lake Worth, as you can see the waters are starting to pick up, there are a few crazy surfers . . .click . . . in South Beach Frances has cleared the beaches . . . click . . . live from . . . click . . . LIVE . . . click . . . as you can see from the Doppler . . . click . . . the latest satellite images concur . . . click . . . two o’clock advisory puts the hurricane at seventy-six degrees . . . click . . . the five o’clock advisory is expected around five o’clock . . . click . . . the Future Track . . . click . . . as the outer bands creep closer and closer . . . click . . . we’re live at Home Depot where the story tonight in South Florida is one of preparation . . . click . . . Straight up. Now you know how Thelonious is in a band called Hurricane Clout, right? He’s like freaking out there’s a hurricane. He’s totally stoked. Like more stoked than if he were at a music fest. More stoked than Coachella, or Lollapalooza, or any music fest. When the storm came me and him went down to the beach and looked for television reporters, hee, hee. We found one from CBS and Thelonious went up to him with a microphone, said we represented Hurricane Clout, told him we we’re doing a documentary on sensationalism in the media. Thelonious asked the reporter what he thought about scaring the public during a natural occurrence. The reporter was so confused to have a microphone in his face. He mumbled about safety what with Katrina. Meanwhile I’m in the background break dancing . . . dreads flying. Geri watched from home. She taped it. Bryan Norcross, our old weatherman, when they cut back to the studio, he called us, and I quote, troubled miscreants. Yup, we entertained hundreds of thousands that day. All Floridians do during Hurricanes is watch television. Kill your television. After we went to the beach we played whiffle ball. You should’ve seen my curveball that day, hee, hee.

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