Lolla

#1 BOYFRIEND IN A COMA

By J.J. Colagrande

Yo, I’m not dead. It feels like death, I guess. I mean, whatevs–how do you know? I certainly don’t feel alive. I think I’m waiting for my death. Or, maybe I’m dreaming. This must be a dream. I’m shackled. My hands are literally in chains, attached to a tree branch. And Emancipator’s “Anthem” is playing… »

#2 WAKE UP, THE SHADES ARE OPEN

By J.J. Colagrande
Teflon

I’ve been by my boy’s side. I didn’t leave, not at first, not until Melody Rain called me did I leave Thelonious. Are you kidding me? I didn’t go to Oracledang. I came right to Mercy hospital and I’ve been with that nigga almost every day since. Me. I was the one who called Mr…. »

#3 THE CASE THAT THEY GAVE ME

By J.J. Colagrande

Have you ever been in jail while trying to kick? Do you have any idea know how it feels? Imagine bugs crawling all over your skin. You can’t eat. Everything tastes like shit. I threw up almost every meal. You can also trade in a good night’s sleep for tossing-and-turning in a little bunk. I… »

#4 WHEN A PLAN COMES TOGETHER

By J.J. Colagrande

Something was fishy. I knew it. The world that Thelonious took me to. The music festival scene. It’s a culture totally counter to the mainstream. The world didn’t play by the same rules. That weird world of gooballs and nitrous tanks and miracle tickets and patchwork clothing and strange avenues of commerce called Shakedown Street…. »

#5 STOP THE TRAIN. I’M LEAVING . . .

By J.J. Colagrande

Teflon’s my golden ticket. Fuck Sky. She’s a mess. I had no idea how weak she rolled. The girl can’t hang. Do you think I could rely on her? No way. Sky’s pretty much dead to me. Keith could have her, if he wants. Forget my mom in Berkeley. She had no money. I mean… »

#6 THE DECISION / MAKING MOVES NOT MOVIES

By J.J. Colagrande

Lollapalooza? Um. You think I care? I don’t. Man–I don’t even like crowds. And it’s getting hard for me to walk around in public. People recognize me. That stunt I pulled in New York turned out to be one of the highlights of the summer off-season. ESPN, talk radio, the New York papers, shit. It’s… »

#7 WHEN YOU WANT SOMETHING DON’T PAY FOR IT

By J.J. Colagrande

I got out at last. Ha. In spite of you and Jane. Ha, ha. And I’ve scratched off most of the paper, so you can’t put me back in. Ha, ha, ha. There’s no way I’m going back. No way. I’m Teflon’s ward right now. Like Batman & Robin. What a noob!! Teflon doesn’t know… »

#8 BONKERS

By J.J. Colagrande

Melody Rain is bonkers. And not in an Alice-in-Wonderland-all-the-best-people-are-bonkers kind of way. She’s stupid sometimes. That girl dragged me around Lollapalloza for hours. She had us walking from the north side of the festival Budweiser Stage, past them big Fountains from Married With Children, all the way to the south side Parkways Foundation Stage and… »

#9 CHICKPEAS

By J.J. Colagrande

Let me tell you what I know about the Falafia, okay? Basically, the Falafia are a seedy underground sect of headz that like to pull some shady-ass shit at music concerts. One might say there’s a lot of shady-ass shit no matter where you are. Well, these kids are even shadier. They deal in drugs,… »

#10 LIKE A BOSS…

By J.J. Colagrande

Yeah, I fucked Melody Rain. I hit that shit, playurr. I mean, you would too. She’s fine. I thought she was fine the moment I met her at Oracledang. It didn’t take long, neither. Not the act of hitting it, just the amount of time before we were getting it on. I don’t go out… »

#11 SOMETHING FREAKY

By J.J. Colagrande

Teflon is 100% man. Mmmm. That nigga set me hella straight. As soon as he got us a pimp suite at the Hard Rock and I seen them front desk people jocking him I already told myself, girl, you better fuck this man. We were only up in the room for a few minutes till… »

12. ALL PREPOSITIONS OF THE ZODIAC…

By J.J. Colagrande

Teflon teased me. But I don’t like being teased you see so I let him know I could handle it all. And the moment he gave it to me, even though he brought it slow, I immediately came and moaned like a fevered banshee. I came real hard. And soon I was so open he… »

13. EGO TRIPPIN’

By J.J. Colagrande

We walked right in. How? How do you think? Move bitch, get out the way, get out the way–Teflon Jones–yo, Teflon–teach me how to Dougie. No one on the court got a swag like you!! Thanks, playurr. Sw-sw-swahgga like you. The Hard Rock Music Lounge mos def was blown up. Girl Talk mashed it up… »

14. FULFILLING THE BOOK

By J.J. Colagrande

I found someone. A cat connected to these cats. Not anyone I knew personally, or even had met. But some cat who knew about a hotel party. He said there were a couple of private parties, in rooms, with hella nitrous tanks, and other things. This was it. How did I find out so fast?… »

#15 COME ON EVERYBODY GRAB YOUR ROLLER SKATES TODAY

By J.J. Colagrande

Melody Rain impressed me. She set me straight with one look. One of them Boy-what-the-fuck-you-think-you-doing-ignoring-me looks. Then she said we gots to go, and followed that with an even stronger glance. Nigga-we-have-shit-to-do-don’t-make-me-ask-you-again-motherfucker. That’s a strong woman, right there. I didn’t think she had it in her. Reminded me of my moms. Moms used to give… »