#5 STOP THE TRAIN. I’M LEAVING . . .

By J.J. Colagrande

Teflon’s my golden ticket. Fuck Sky. She’s a mess. I had no idea how weak she rolled. The girl can’t hang. Do you think I could rely on her? No way. Sky’s pretty much dead to me. Keith could have her, if he wants. Forget my mom in Berkeley. She had no money. I mean I called her. She felt bad and tried to do something, but I had my back against the wall. Cook County jail was not my destiny. I wanted out.  Cook is the biggest pre-detention center in the country. It is so overcrowded. There’s eleven wards. They won’t miss little old Melody Rain. It was time to roll like sushi, hella quick. Girls don’t belong in jail. Ninety percent of all inmates are dudes. You might think the girls ward is easier but trust me those bitches are crazy. And that place is not a joke. I wanted out, but how? I couldn’t call my dad. Fuck my dad. I don’t even know him. Thelonious came to mind. He would’ve understood. And he hates cops. And I also know how much money he comes from. Except there was one problem with Thelonious. He was in a fucking coma. How did I know? I heard from some sister who got popped after the Show. The miracle man overdosed. The guy giving out free tickets to Oracledang was dead. I knew from information from day one. Plus I had access to a computer. I totally saw Thelonious’s Facebook page filled with prayers and get-well wishes and also updates from Teflon. So I learned he wasn’t dead, but in some strange coma. Not surprising. I saw what he did to the nitrous mafia. They must of hit him with something. Maybe the Deer Creek needle. Even though that sucked for Thelonious, it sucked for me more. I was conscious. I would have rather been in a coma than in Cook County. So if not Sky, Thelonious, or my mom, who the heck could get me out of jail? It was pretty simple, Teflon. I knew he represented my best hope when I saw him on ESPN. The dude’s a big deal. On national news they were talking about him; about how he walked away from millions of dollars. I did a Google search and learned about his dad. It didn’t take a brain surgeon to realize Teflon came from money. No one walks away from millions of dollars. You walk away from money only when you have money. Who you kidding? I also found out his mom committed suicide. Dude’s messed up. So I sent him a note on Facebook saying I knew how to find the guy who poisoned Thelonious. I told him if he bailed me out of Cook County I’d lead him to the nitrous mafia. He inquired about a Scruffy Guy. I didn’t know what he was talking about but I knew two things: one, where the nitrous mafia would be. There was a festie in town: Lollapallooza. And two, I knew I had to get the fuck out of Crook County jail.

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